The Breadwinner
-By Jontae Grace
As we head in to 2008, it is time to update some of the language that we use in our relationships. Historically, the ‘breadwinner’ of the family was typically the person who grossed the highest pay and thereby “called the shots” in the house. Oh yea: he was almost always male. Even husbands who didn’t bring home the bacon were still officially considered head of household because only they could vote or own property. But nowadays, the practice of breadwinning is in flux, but the theory hasn’t yet adapted to changing times. My stepfather knew that moms was financially savvy, so he relinquished his paychecks immediately, knowing that the bills will be paid and expenses covered. And there would always be enough in the pot for him to get his brandy, and for moms to pick out the drapes. Bottom line, women are as involved in the business of the household as the simpler, satisfying aspects of the family. We cannot discount their contributions to all areas of relationships: parental as well as financial. This piece was written to encourage and celebrate the progress that African-American women-and by extension all women of color- have made in the workplace and the family.
Over thirty-five percent of married women earn more in salary and wages than their spouses. That data doesn’t even account for married women who earn equally as much or a comparable amount, nor does it include the ever-increasing Single Mother heads-of-households category. While white women have had the highest earnings growth in the last twenty years (29%), African-American women have the second highest earnings growth (19%). Women with college degrees have enjoyed a 34% earnings growth increase over the last thirty years, compared to an 18% growth by male college grads over the same period (All of these statistics and more can be found at the Bureau of Labor Statistics website: www.bls.gov).
This seemingly positive trend hasn’t been without its toll on our beautiful black womanhood, especially our mothers. The pressures of professional work, family and social life bring their own stressors that, when not balanced, can leave a woman physically and emotionally wracked. Growing up I used to think that Paxil and Wellbutrin were multivitamins that my mom was taking, but they were antidepressants. Many women with strong professional careers often lack fulfillment in other areas of their lives to offset the demands of work. So their earnings and accomplishments become more important to their self-esteem, and that can create power struggles between friends and significant others.
Also, the concept of a sole breadwinner brings us dangerously close the question of ‘roles’ in relationships. I believe that relationship responsibilities should be fluid and flexible. If I am in a relationship with a woman and I lean on her, she has to lean back or else we will both fall over. A high salary does not make a woman or a man exempt from chores, and it really isn’t that good of an indicator of who is better fit for serious decision-making. Choices should be made in consensus, and if time and circumstance don’t permit, then decide according to the best option for all. But while our women are constantly stepping their game up by leaps and bounds, we fellas need to collectively get on point so we can give our women something worthwhile to come home to.
Some women have cake and make it too...
As we head in to 2008, it is time to update some of the language that we use in our relationships. Historically, the ‘breadwinner’ of the family was typically the person who grossed the highest pay and thereby “called the shots” in the house. Oh yea: he was almost always male. Even husbands who didn’t bring home the bacon were still officially considered head of household because only they could vote or own property. But nowadays, the practice of breadwinning is in flux, but the theory hasn’t yet adapted to changing times. My stepfather knew that moms was financially savvy, so he relinquished his paychecks immediately, knowing that the bills will be paid and expenses covered. And there would always be enough in the pot for him to get his brandy, and for moms to pick out the drapes. Bottom line, women are as involved in the business of the household as the simpler, satisfying aspects of the family. We cannot discount their contributions to all areas of relationships: parental as well as financial. This piece was written to encourage and celebrate the progress that African-American women-and by extension all women of color- have made in the workplace and the family.
Over thirty-five percent of married women earn more in salary and wages than their spouses. That data doesn’t even account for married women who earn equally as much or a comparable amount, nor does it include the ever-increasing Single Mother heads-of-households category. While white women have had the highest earnings growth in the last twenty years (29%), African-American women have the second highest earnings growth (19%). Women with college degrees have enjoyed a 34% earnings growth increase over the last thirty years, compared to an 18% growth by male college grads over the same period (All of these statistics and more can be found at the Bureau of Labor Statistics website: www.bls.gov).
This seemingly positive trend hasn’t been without its toll on our beautiful black womanhood, especially our mothers. The pressures of professional work, family and social life bring their own stressors that, when not balanced, can leave a woman physically and emotionally wracked. Growing up I used to think that Paxil and Wellbutrin were multivitamins that my mom was taking, but they were antidepressants. Many women with strong professional careers often lack fulfillment in other areas of their lives to offset the demands of work. So their earnings and accomplishments become more important to their self-esteem, and that can create power struggles between friends and significant others.
Also, the concept of a sole breadwinner brings us dangerously close the question of ‘roles’ in relationships. I believe that relationship responsibilities should be fluid and flexible. If I am in a relationship with a woman and I lean on her, she has to lean back or else we will both fall over. A high salary does not make a woman or a man exempt from chores, and it really isn’t that good of an indicator of who is better fit for serious decision-making. Choices should be made in consensus, and if time and circumstance don’t permit, then decide according to the best option for all. But while our women are constantly stepping their game up by leaps and bounds, we fellas need to collectively get on point so we can give our women something worthwhile to come home to.
Some women have cake and make it too...
posted by Mr Grace at 12:14 PM
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